20 Things

It's been a ridiculously long time since I posted anything on here. And while I can't promise that I am starting back up with any kind of consistency, I can say that I think of things to blog about every.single.day. For some reason or another (mostly because of time & the fact that I haven't made this a priority) I don't end up posting anything. I think part of it is because I tend to over analyze just about everything, which makes it hard to communicate sometimes. And for some reason, I feel like I have to get things perfectly worded before I can post them out in cyberspace. But I'm going to try to get past that last part. So if this doesn't make sense or doesn't sound like it's been filtered... too bad :)

Here are some of the things I've been thinking about/wanting to post about lately:

1. I passed my last exam (praise Jesus!) and I am about to begin studying for the next one! woo hoo!
2. Brad got into physical therapy school! This will be a major life change for us - including more student loan debt! woo hoo again!
3. I have been running more, which I like. I don't think of myself as a runner at all, but I'm hoping to get over that and really exceed my own expectations. A 10k seems a little out of reach for me, but more doable than a half marathon. I'd like to run a half marathon someday.

4. I really like to bake. And I'm starting to make a little more time for it. It's a Saturday morning kind of activity for me. Might be good when I study, too. But I'm trying to eat healthier, so I've found a couple of new fun recipes that have some health-guru ingredients. I'm trying a new one tomorrow :)
5. I've started the process of changing the way I think about food. It's hard. I'm seriously addicted to food and I use it as an emotional idol. It's a serious problem. But I've gotten some good tips, advice, and encouragement from various sources and I'm slowly working on my food-mentality. I'll keep ya posted.
6. I've been reading through the Old Testament. It's cool to read things you never remember reading before, even though I've read the OT several times (and grew up hearing many of the stories). I also just ordered 2 series by Francine Rivers: (1) Sons of Encouragement, which is a fictional story based on the Biblical lives of 5 men of the Bible and (2) Lineage of Grace, the female version of the prior. They arrive on Monday (thanks to Amazon 2-day shipping) I'm excited to read these along with my study of the OT. 
7. I love Amazon 2-day shipping. And we are on the "Prime Student" edition, so haven't paid a penny yet!
8. I just downloaded an app for my phone (aTimeLogger) to track how much time I spend on certain things (i.e., sleep, driving, work, eating, studying...). I'm intending to use it to track my study hours, but for now it's been fun to see how my time is used. It also makes me more conscious of what activities I use in my "free" time.
9. I have several friends who are either having babies or buying houses. Several of each, actually. And it's really stirred that urge in me for "the next phase" of life. We've been in pretty much the same place since we got married and I think we are both ready for something new. God is so good and provided school for Brad as a big change. I just need to learn to be patient about the rest :) His timing is better than mine.
10. I miss photography. I capture little moments on my phone (loving Instagram, btw), but it's just not the same as taking pretty pictures with my fancy camera. Artists require time, which I don't have a lot of. I'd like to get some good pics of the bluebonnets this year (since they are actually pretty, unlike last year!). That will be my goal.
11. I miss using my artistic side in general. I weave it into my every day life, but I miss just sitting down and working on a project. My mom and I made 110 shower invitations a couple of weeks ago. We spent ALL day on them, but it was so much fun. I wish I could have a whole day every week for crafts.

12. Gizmo makes me so happy. Dogs don't judge. They don't care. They greet you at the door every single day and it never fails to make me happy. He is the cutest ever. I don't remember what life was like without him!
13. I've started listening to audio books in the car while I drive to work. It's been a great way to pass the time! Right now I'm listening to The Pilgrim's Progress by John Bunyan. It's a good one :)
14. I do too many things. I'd really like to simplify my life a little bit. Commit to less. Enjoy more.
15. I seem to have lost the ability to correctly handle stress. Or my life is more stressful than I ever remember it being. Either way, I'm not doing a good job of it. I need to work on that. Trust God more, trust me less. 
16. Brad is an amazing chef. He cooks dinner for me several times a week and I have no idea what I'm going to do when he's off at school most of the week! So thankful for a wonderful husband!
17. Brad and I started our own small group at church and it's going really well. It's always a little bit scary putting yourself out there and building those relationships from scratch, but it is so worth it. We are really working on shaping our group into Biblical Christian community.
18. I require more sleep than I get. I think this one will always be true.
19. I am going to see the Hunger Games at midnight next Thursday night... I haven't done a midnight showing in about 6 years. And I didn't handle it too well then. Hopefully the excitement will overpower the urge to sleep!
20. I love mountain laurels. I think I've devoted more than one blog post to this beloved plant. Is it a tree? Is it a bush? Who cares! It smells amazing! However... sidenote... it is just WAY TOO HOT for March. Even for Texas. I'm not a fan of these 80*, muggy days. The rain has been nice, though.

I could write tons more, but I'm sleepy at the moment (see #19). It's been a long week. Hopefully it won't be too long before my next post... we'll see :)

Over the Wall

I love Holley's blog... she is amazing with words and she always seems to be speaking directly to me. Or rather, God speaks directly to me through her words. Today was no different. My wall = my exam. No, I didn't pass on the first try... or the second. But I will not give up until I do. And with God, it WILL happen :)

You're going to make it over that wall...

Hey you,

staring at that wall, wondering, "Is there a way over this thing?"

Oh, yes.

With God all things are possible. Matthew 9:26

He'll make a way.

And He'll help you climb, jump, knock-down, whatever it takes.

It may not happen in the timing you want. Or how you imagine.

But it will happen.

In the meantime, don't let that wall fool you.

It can't hold you back, keep you down, make you stuck.

Nope, walls don't have that much power.

And it's just a matter of time before your Jericho happens--

when the trumpet sounds and deliverance is yours.

There's no wall too tall.

No situation too difficult.

No challenge too great.

So press in, press on, and never give up

until that wall comes tumbling down.

Hibernation

I decided on "hibernation" as the title of my time of studying this summer/fall. Originally I was calling it death (as in... death is coming) but decided that was a little too harsh and may end up setting a negative tone on the whole studying thing. And I need all the positive I can get!

So hibernation it is. And it is coming. I have a week left to prepare and then my nose will be stuck in the books until November. And prepare, I have. Preparations have included:

• gathering study materials
• picking a new color scheme for materials (the last 2 attempts have been green, but that obviously wasn't working out, so I picked PASSING PINK this time around. I think it is a winning color)
• setting up a study schedule
• purchasing pink & white polka dot notebook
• ordering pink Japanese pens (theirs are better) and pink pencil lead
• borrowing (or taking) colored notebook paper from a lovely friend
• cleaning the apartment, as it will be neglected once hibernation sets in
• saying farewell to friends - or at least warning them of my hibernation
• stepping down from unnecessary activities (yay for saying no to things!)
• trying to get my "creativity fix" in and most of all...
• praying... lots and lots of praying that God would prepare my heart for this.

Because, if you haven't noticed, I am determined to PASS this exam now. I didn't give it my all the last 2 attempts and pretty much wasted 6-8 months on studying and stressing. But not this time. God has set out this task in front of me and He has given me everything I need to pass it. I just need to rely on Him for perserverance, motivation, energy and sanity. Because it is going to be hard.

I'm not quite sure what the effect of hibernation on blogging will look like. I don't feel comfortable in saying that I will be cutting out blogging completely. It may turn out that I need this as an outlet. But I'm guessing it's fair to say that I won't be blogging daily (have I ever?!)

Things that will not cease due to studying (in fact, MUST NOT cease BECAUSE I'm studying) include:

• exercise! every morning, I hope
• sleep! I need it
• work... the reason I'm doing all this!
• food - hopefully not too much of it
• time with Brad and Gizmo - they help keep me sane
• church on Sundays
• Bible study on Wednesdays (shout out to PROOF!)
• time with God
• a one week vacation half-way through
• occasional, necessary breaks to come up for air :)

So... here we go! T-minus seven days (or less, if I so choose). Will you pray for me?

Blessings

Umm... heard this song by Laura Story for the first time this morning as I was driving to work through the {wanna be} rain. With so many friends around me going through some tough stuff, it just really made my heart smile. PS- I made my favorite parts blue :)




We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise

Oh Glorious Day!

I meant to post this yesterday, but I got busy celebrating EASTER and the resurrected JESUS! But the Gospel is just as much a celebration today! It's the most beautiful, important story of all time!

This video is a little longer than most, but it is so unbelievably powerful. We must not forget why we are here and what God has commissioned us for! Take ten to watch... I promise, it is worth it!


Lord, I pray that I would become less and that You would become more. Help me not to get in the way. Jesus, live through me!

And now for a little Casting Crowns...

Death could not hold Him! The grave could not keep Him from rising again! Oh Glorious Day!!
I hope your Easter was glorious!

The Beauty of the Cross

It was planned ahead of time. Jesus was there - before the creation of the world. God planned it perfectly. Jesus went willingly. He's known all along how it would end. He did it for us. He suffered for us. He loves us.

Isaiah 53 

Who has believed our message
   and to whom has the arm of the LORD been revealed?
He grew up before him like a tender shoot,
   and like a root out of dry ground.
He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him,
   nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.
He was despised and rejected by mankind,
   a man of suffering, and familiar with pain.
Like one from whom people hide their faces
   he was despised, and we held him in low esteem.

Surely he took up our pain
   and bore our suffering,
yet we considered him punished by God,
   stricken by him, and afflicted.
But he was pierced for our transgressions,
   he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was on him,
   and by his wounds we are healed.
We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
   each of us has turned to our own way;
and the LORD has laid on him
   the iniquity of us all. 

He was oppressed and afflicted,
   yet he did not open his mouth;
he was led like a lamb to the slaughter,
   and as a sheep before its shearers is silent,
   so he did not open his mouth.
By oppression and judgment he was taken away.
   Yet who of his generation protested?
For he was cut off from the land of the living;
   for the transgression of my people he was punished.
He was assigned a grave with the wicked,
   and with the rich in his death,
though he had done no violence,
   nor was any deceit in his mouth. 

Yet it was the LORD’s will to crush him and cause him to suffer,
   and though the LORD makes his life an offering for sin,
he will see his offspring and prolong his days,
   and the will of the LORD will prosper in his hand.
After he has suffered,
   he will see the light of life and be satisfied;
by his knowledge my righteous servant will justify many,
   and he will bear their iniquities.
Therefore I will give him a portion among the great,
   and he will divide the spoils with the strong,
because he poured out his life unto death,
   and was numbered with the transgressors.
For he bore the sin of many,
   and made intercession for the transgressors.

Far Greater Truths

There's a lot of hurt out there right now. A lot of sadness. A lot of difficulty and tough situations. So many people I know are angry, worried, stressed, exhausted.

But we have to remember... GOD IS GOOD.

He is good and He is in control. No matter what it looks like from our perspective, that's the Truth. And we can choose to dwell on the facts of our situation and the way it makes us feel (far lessor truths, as Pastor Kyle would say) or we can shift to dwelling on far greater Truths: God is good. God is in control. God loves me. God is sovereign. Oh how many there are! And oh how much greater they are!

Oh give thanks to the LORD, for he is good,
   for his steadfast love endures forever!  -Psalm 107:1 

We may not understand. And His ways may not seem right or good. BUT THEY ARE. The Bible says they are and we have to believe that. God is infinitely greater than me. I have to trust that He knows better than I do what is good.

A great many things in God's divine providences do not look like goodness to the eye...  But faith sits down before mysteries such as these, and says, "The Lord is good, therefore all that He does must be good, no matter how it looks, and  I can wait for His explanations." - Hannah Whitall Smith

Beautiful

The days will come when you don't have the strength 
When all you hear is you're not worth anything 
Wondering if you ever could be loved 
And if they truly saw your heart they'd see too much 


You're beautiful, You're beautiful 
You are made so much more than all of this 
You're beautiful, You're beautiful 
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His 
You're beautiful 


I'm praying that you have the heart to find 
Cause you are more than what is hurting you tonight 
For all the lies you've held inside so long 
And they are nothing in the shadow of the cross 


You're beautiful, You're beautiful 
You are made so much more than all of this 
You're beautiful, You're beautiful 
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His 
You're beautiful 


Before you ever took a breath 
Long before the world began 
Of all the wonders He possessed 
There was one more precious 
Of all the earth and skys above 
You're the one He madly loves 
Enough to die 


You're beautiful, You're beautiful 
In His eyes 


You're beautiful 
You were meant for so much more than all of this 
You're beautiful 
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His 
You're beautiful, You're beautiful 
You're meant for so much more than all of this 
You're beautiful, You're beautiful 
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His

That Sweet Aroma!

{warning: this is a re-post!... I just love the Mountain Laurel so much!}

"See! The winter is past;

the rains are over and gone.

Flowers appear on the earth;

the season of singing has come,

the cooing of doves is heard in our land.

The fig tree forms its early fruit;

the blossoming vines spread their fragrance.

Arise, come, my darling;

my beautiful one, come with me."

-Song of Solomon 2:11-13

In the midst of all the hustle bustle busy-ness of life, a wonderfully poignant aroma catches my attention and reminds me to appreciate the gift of spring. How many days have I been down or frustrated or tired and then this amazing little flower has turned my entire day around? I can't tell you how often God uses the Mountain Laurel to get my attention. It never fails to get capture my senses and shift my attention to the beauty of creation. This scent says, "Look how simple and beautiful I am. None of that other stuff matters. You make things too hard. Just come away with me. Follow me and I will show you what it means to live."

Thank you, Lord, for the Mountain Laurel.

I Arise Today

In honor of Saint Patrick, here is a prayer, often referred to as The Breastplate of Saint Patrick because of its shielding lyrics - for protection on a journey.

 

I arise today

Through a mighty strength, the invocation of the Trinity,

Through the belief in the threeness,



Through confession of the oneness

Of the Creator of Creation.

I arise today

Through the strength of Christ's birth with his baptism,

Through the strength of his crucifixion with his burial,

Through the strength of his resurrection with his ascension,

Through the strength of his descent for the judgment of Doom.

I arise today

Through the strength of the love of Cherubim,

In obedience of angels,

In the service of archangels,

In hope of resurrection to meet with reward,

In prayers of patriarchs,

In predictions of prophets,

In preaching of apostles,

In faith of confessors,

In innocence of holy virgins,

In deeds of righteous men.



Legend says that Saint Patrick would teach the
Irish about the Trinity through the Shamrock.
He would use the shape to help illustrate the
concept of God being three persons in one.



I arise today

Through the strength of heaven:

Light of sun,

Radiance of moon,

Splendor of fire,

Speed of lightning,



Swiftness of wind,

Depth of sea,

Stability of earth,

Firmness of rock.

I arise today

Through God's strength to pilot me:

God's might to uphold me,

God's wisdom to guide me,

God's eye to look before me,

God's ear to hear me,

God's word to speak for me,

God's hand to guard me,

God's way to lie before me,

God's shield to protect me,

God's host to save me

From snares of devils,

From temptations of vices,

From everyone who shall wish me ill,

Afar and anear,

Alone and in multitude.

I summon today all these powers between me and those evils,

Against every cruel merciless power that may oppose my body and soul,

Against incantations of false prophets,

Against black laws of pagandom

Against false laws of heretics,

Against craft of idolatry,

Against spells of witches and smiths and wizards,

Against every knowledge that corrupts man's body and soul.

Christ to shield me today

Against poison, against burning,

Against drowning, against wounding,

So that there may come to me abundance of reward.

Christ with me, Christ before me, Christ behind me,

Christ in me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me,

Christ on my right, Christ on my left,

Christ when I lie down, Christ when I sit down, Christ when I arise,

Christ in the heart of every man who thinks of me,

Christ in the mouth of everyone who speaks of me,

Christ in every eye that sees me,

Christ in every ear that hears me.

I arise today

Through a mighty strength, the invocation of the Trinity,

Through belief in the threeness,

Through confession of the oneness,

Of the Creator of Creation.

Shedding

Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday, the beginning of Lent. Years ago, I dreaded Lent. All I got from it when I was younger was that I had to give up something I loved and fast from eating meat on Fridays. And for a girl who hated fish, it was not much fun.

As I got older and my relationship with the Lord grew, I came to understand the sacrifice a little more.
{click here to learn more about what wiki says about Lent}

But now, after not having really celebrated the season of Lent in a few years (besides the general reflection on my sin and Jesus's sacrifice during Sunday services), I am choosing to celebrate it this year. I don't even know if celebrate is the right term, though Jesus's resurrection is definitely something to celebrate! I have a different outlook on it this year...

We are strangers here on this earth. This is not our eternal home - it's where God has us for now. But sometimes we get so entwined, even enslaved, to it that we absolutely forget who we are and why we are here. And I think the Lenten season is the perfect time to reflect on that and allow God to strip us back down to the creation He intended us to be. And, layer by layer, as He frees us from this world, we see more and more the depravity of our sin and, by comparison, the greatness of our God.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. -Hebrews 12:1-2

I have some shedding to do. I have grown so astoundingly dependent on the things of this world, and it's time for repentance, renewal, and some good quality time with my Father. I am going to take a break from social networking (namely, facebook) and spend much more time digging through His Word and letting Him dig through my heart.

Love Reminder

When I got to work this morning, I turned over my calendar on my desk to January 31. The verse for today is Ephesians 3:17-19. What a wonderful reminder of all the beautiful things I learned this weekend at the retreat! And I should not leave what I learned and how I felt at the retreat - it's meant to change the way I live, even if in the smallest way. Thanks, Lord, for giving me that little bit of encouragement I needed to start off this week in love!

{photo taken by LB at Canyon of the Eagles Resort 1/28/11}

Blessings and Conviction

I attended a retreat this weekend put on by the women's ministry of Terranova (my church!). Besides the fact that I was not feeling 100% (I had no voice, in fact! which made for lovely worship singing!) the weekend could not have gone better! The weather was gorgeous, the location was breathtaking, and the women were absolutely amazing! We really shared our hearts and got to know one another on a genuine level - something many people can be scared of doing. It can be messy. But it's real. It's beautiful.

God has been really reminding me lately of two things, which He pointed out again to me specifically this weekend.

First of all, He has been showing me what a wonderful thing community is in my life. I'm not talking about just being a part of a community (geographically, culturally, spiritually). I'm talking about having people in my life that really KNOW me for me. Who are brave enough to share their real selves with me. Who I can lean on, encourage, hold accountable, and really do life with. I have been unbelievably blessed with people with whom I do just that. And God has shown me that is something that I need - that all believers need, for that matter.

The second thing is more of a conviction that I feel I need to share. God has really been calling me out on my relationship with Him. Do I put Him first? Do I love Him first? I am an extremely relational person. And so I need community in my life. But sometimes I lean too much on that community and too little on God. Do you know what I mean? When I'm going through something difficult and could really use prayer and encouragement, who is the first one I turn to? Is it God? It should be. Yet it's not always, especially lately. I yearn for love and approval from those who know me best. And that's not necessarily wrong. It's natural for me to want affirmation from my close friends and family. Affirmation is one of my love languages, after all. But is that where I'm getting my sense of worth? I feel I need to spend some time really letting my Father love me. Do I deserve His love? Absolutely not - that's a whole nother story for a whole nother blog post :) But I need to accept His love and His approval of me before anyone else's. He is the only One who can fully know me and fully love me. I am undeserving, yet He, the Creator of the universe, has chosen to call me His child! Why isn't He the one I run to when something exciting is going on and I just can't wait to tell someone? He, after all, is my biggest fan. He made me me :)

Sanctity of Life

Today is Sanctity of Life Sunday. What an amazing gift God has given each of us - the gift of life. Today's message at church was so moving. I have always been against abortion, but I wouldn't say I've been great at voicing that or that I have ever been that passionate about it. But why shouldn't I be? It is such a core Biblical issue and central to my beliefs as a Christian. I'd like to share a couple of verses related to God's creation of us, even before conception. And then there are 2 video clips (one long one split in two) that are unbelievably moving. Take the time to watch them if you can.

Now the word of the LORD came to me, saying, "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,and before you were born I consecrated you;I appointed you a prophet to the nations."
- Jeremiah 1:4-5 (ESV)

You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
   and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
   Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
   as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
You saw me before I was born.
   Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
   before a single day had passed.
How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.
   They cannot be numbered!
I can’t even count them;
   they outnumber the grains of sand!
And when I wake up,
   you are still with me!
-Psalm 139:13-18 (NLT)

Happy National Day of Encouragement!

Today is the National Day of Encouragement!

"Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing." - 1 Thessalonians 5:11

I have been so blessed with sources of encouragement all around me! And it sure feels like I've needed it recently! My family is amazing - always there for me no matter what. I don't know what I'd do without them! My friends - new and old, far and near - are one of the biggest blessings to me. They love me for me and are ready to encourage me at any moment. I am so blessed.

Over the last couple of months, I have been reading a blog daily called (in)courage. It's basically a group of women who have a heart for community and for the Lord. I love waking up and reading what they have to share. It's an encouragement to see that others - even those I don't know - have been through the same kinds of things I have. These women share their hearts through this blog and it has seriously been an encouragement!

A few weeks ago, in anticipation of today, the ladies at (in)courage set out a challenge. They provided beautiful cards from DaySpring and asked that we (their readers, their friends) would use the cards to encourage those around us. Well, if you know me at all, you know that sending cards of encouragement is one of the things I love to do :)

I'm sort of going out on a limb with the card I'm sending tomorrow. It's so much easier for me to send cards to those I love. In fact, sometimes I get the urge to just go browse the card section and find a card for one of my friends. But this time, I'm sending my card to someone I don't know very well. But I know that she is going through a really hard time and needs the encouragement desperately. She is not a believer and I can tell that she is in need of love. I'm praying that my card will give her a glimmer of hope.

What has encouragement meant in your life? How will you encourage someone today?

Lessons on Joy

As a kid and teenager, when people had to use one word to describe me, it was joyful. I was truly happy most of the time - and always had a smile on my face. It wasn't hard for me. There was so much in the world to enjoy and experience. And finding joy in all of that was something that came easily to me. What a blessing from God!

And as I've gotten older and things in my life have gotten harder, the enemy has somehow taken hold of the one thing I always assumed would be in my life - joy. And I have let him.

And the funny thing is, God is teaching me about joy right now. He is teaching me about something I never thought I'd have to learn about since it always came so naturally to me. How naive was I to think that I had joy down? That I could check that off my list because I was a pro at joy? Ha!

The older and more experienced I get, the more I realize that there is always more to learn. God is HUGE, and I'm a fool to think that I could learn everything there is to know about even just one aspect of Him. He is way bigger than that. And so I have to accept that I will never understand everything. And as the circumstances in my life change, I will have more and more opportunities to learn how to be more like Him. While it's hard to accept, it's also saying a great deal about who my God is.

So here I am, learning about joy. And the one huge thing that God has been trying to get through to me is: I am called to be joyful, but I can't produce joy myself. Only He can give joy. It is absolutely a gift. The enemy will always try to take that from me - to keep me from bringing glory to God - so I will always have to fight for it. I am called to fight for it. And fight, I will.

John Piper explains it much better: "We must delight in God. And only God can change our hearts so that we delight in God. We are thrown back on God utterly. The Christian life is all of grace. 'From him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever' (Rom. 11:36)."

Good-O-Meter

Thank God for grace! I would fail miserably if not for the One who stands in my place!


"For this reason Christ is the mediator of a new covenant, that those who are called may receive the promised eternal inheritance—now that he has died as a ransom to set them free from the sins committed under the first covenant." -Hebrews 9:15


"But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved." -Ephesians 2:4-5

Here's to Freedom.

What is this monotony? This going-through-the-motions every day without feeling anything? This unfulfilling, unsatisfying life that I have allowed myself to fall into? I know there is more to life than this.

I. feel. stuck.

-stuck in my daily routine. Get up, get dressed, drive to work, sit at work all day waiting for the "freedom" to go home, drive home, eat dinner, watch tv, maybe exercise, go to bed, do it all again. What is the purpose of this?
-stuck in this apartment. Even on the weekends when I am "free" to do whatever I want, I feel trapped in the walls of our apartment. And I have a feeling I wouldn't feel any less trapped in something bigger. It's not the size. It's the stuff. It's the familiarity. It's the isolation from the world.
-stuck at my job. It's not exciting most days. I really love what I do, but most days I'm not happy. It's my attitude. It's the environment telling me the way I need to act and feel and be.
-stuck in my neverending to-do lists. There is always a list - or two or three - going of the things I need to do. Or that I want to do. They are always going in my head. Sometimes I can write them down and cross things off of them, but most of the time they just get longer and longer, hanging over my head and trapping me in stress.
-stuck in my own expectations. The need to be great. To do great. To be my best. I have this idea of how my life should be and the goals and dreams that I have for myself. And they just mock me everytime I don't live up to them or take a step toward them.
-stuck in others expectations. Of how I should look. Of how I should dress. Of how much I should exercise. Of how I should spend my time. Of how I should spend my money. Of how much money I should make. Of what my home should look like. Of what kind of car I should drive. Of what I should like. Of what I should sound like. AHHHH!

I am a slave to this world. 

I am a slave to others. To my unnecessary expectations. To my "should be"s. I am trapped, caught, suffocating, imprisoned, stuck. SLAVE.

As Beth Moore puts it, "We become immediate slaves to the person(s) from whom we seek approval."

BUT, Christ came to set me free from slavery. "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourself be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." -Galatians 5:1

I cannot continue to try to balance the Spirit and the flesh. They cannot work together. "For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under law." -Galatians 5:17-18 God has freed me from the law. From the world. From the expectations of myself and of others.

He has SET ME FREE. 

To experience this sweet freedom that God is trying to show me, I must keep in step with the Spirit. I must not be conformed to the pattern of this world. I must yield to the Holy Spirit, allowing Him to guide me through my routine, my job, my life. Every day I must make that choice. It does not come naturally. But it is so much better!

Here's to freedom.

Listen to this song: Better Way to Live - by Jason Gray

• Better Way To Live by Jason Gray

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A Spirit of Power

Christians are often mistaken for timid. Or cowardly. Or weak.

Some see our humility and submission as a chance to walk all over us.

And some of us ARE timid, weak, and cowardly. But God calls us to be strong. To be unswerving. To let the power of His Spirit dwell within us.

And eventually people will see that power. That humble, devoted love. That compassion.

At least, that's my prayer.

Encouragement this Wednesday

Our God is AWESOME! He is Huge, All-powerful, Never-tiring, Enduring, Understanding, Creator, Loving, Everlasting, Wonderful...