Saturday, January 29, 2011

Blessings and Conviction

I attended a retreat this weekend put on by the women's ministry of Terranova (my church!). Besides the fact that I was not feeling 100% (I had no voice, in fact! which made for lovely worship singing!) the weekend could not have gone better! The weather was gorgeous, the location was breathtaking, and the women were absolutely amazing! We really shared our hearts and got to know one another on a genuine level - something many people can be scared of doing. It can be messy. But it's real. It's beautiful.

God has been really reminding me lately of two things, which He pointed out again to me specifically this weekend.

First of all, He has been showing me what a wonderful thing community is in my life. I'm not talking about just being a part of a community (geographically, culturally, spiritually). I'm talking about having people in my life that really KNOW me for me. Who are brave enough to share their real selves with me. Who I can lean on, encourage, hold accountable, and really do life with. I have been unbelievably blessed with people with whom I do just that. And God has shown me that is something that I need - that all believers need, for that matter.

The second thing is more of a conviction that I feel I need to share. God has really been calling me out on my relationship with Him. Do I put Him first? Do I love Him first? I am an extremely relational person. And so I need community in my life. But sometimes I lean too much on that community and too little on God. Do you know what I mean? When I'm going through something difficult and could really use prayer and encouragement, who is the first one I turn to? Is it God? It should be. Yet it's not always, especially lately. I yearn for love and approval from those who know me best. And that's not necessarily wrong. It's natural for me to want affirmation from my close friends and family. Affirmation is one of my love languages, after all. But is that where I'm getting my sense of worth? I feel I need to spend some time really letting my Father love me. Do I deserve His love? Absolutely not - that's a whole nother story for a whole nother blog post :) But I need to accept His love and His approval of me before anyone else's. He is the only One who can fully know me and fully love me. I am undeserving, yet He, the Creator of the universe, has chosen to call me His child! Why isn't He the one I run to when something exciting is going on and I just can't wait to tell someone? He, after all, is my biggest fan. He made me me :)

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