Blessings and Conviction

I attended a retreat this weekend put on by the women's ministry of Terranova (my church!). Besides the fact that I was not feeling 100% (I had no voice, in fact! which made for lovely worship singing!) the weekend could not have gone better! The weather was gorgeous, the location was breathtaking, and the women were absolutely amazing! We really shared our hearts and got to know one another on a genuine level - something many people can be scared of doing. It can be messy. But it's real. It's beautiful.

God has been really reminding me lately of two things, which He pointed out again to me specifically this weekend.

First of all, He has been showing me what a wonderful thing community is in my life. I'm not talking about just being a part of a community (geographically, culturally, spiritually). I'm talking about having people in my life that really KNOW me for me. Who are brave enough to share their real selves with me. Who I can lean on, encourage, hold accountable, and really do life with. I have been unbelievably blessed with people with whom I do just that. And God has shown me that is something that I need - that all believers need, for that matter.

The second thing is more of a conviction that I feel I need to share. God has really been calling me out on my relationship with Him. Do I put Him first? Do I love Him first? I am an extremely relational person. And so I need community in my life. But sometimes I lean too much on that community and too little on God. Do you know what I mean? When I'm going through something difficult and could really use prayer and encouragement, who is the first one I turn to? Is it God? It should be. Yet it's not always, especially lately. I yearn for love and approval from those who know me best. And that's not necessarily wrong. It's natural for me to want affirmation from my close friends and family. Affirmation is one of my love languages, after all. But is that where I'm getting my sense of worth? I feel I need to spend some time really letting my Father love me. Do I deserve His love? Absolutely not - that's a whole nother story for a whole nother blog post :) But I need to accept His love and His approval of me before anyone else's. He is the only One who can fully know me and fully love me. I am undeserving, yet He, the Creator of the universe, has chosen to call me His child! Why isn't He the one I run to when something exciting is going on and I just can't wait to tell someone? He, after all, is my biggest fan. He made me me :)

One-month Check-up

It's been one month since I've taken my exam - and I want to reflect a little bit on how things have been going since then. Before I took the exam, I made a list of things I wanted to do - or make more time for - once I was finished studying. Here's how I've done so far:

1. BLOG! Obviously, since I haven't posted since the day of my exam, I haven't done all that well with this. I always think of plenty of things I'd like to blog about, but when I get home from work - where I stare at a computer for at least 8 hours straight - the last thing I want to do is get online to blog. I would still like to get a little bit better at this, though.
2. Keep the apartment clean. I feel like I've been doing a pretty good job at this. Stuff still gets cluttered, but I seem to be keeping things clean and keeping up with (instead of catching up on) laundry.
3. Spring Cleaning! I haven't done much spring cleaning. And I need to. We have so much STUFF. Much more that we could ever need. 
4. Invite people over. Check! It was nice to have people over - and to have the apartment clean enough to have them over!
5. Spend time with friends. I've hung out with many of my friends and contacted or tried to contact them to catch up. I actually just got off the phone with my long lost Oxford friend, as I like to call her, who I haven't seen in almost a year! Horray for Skype!
6. Make an "I'm done with my exam" CD. I made a country CD that I wake up to every morning! It's wonderful!
7. WORK OUT! I haven't done as well with this as I would like, but it's definitely better than when I was studying! Right now I'm up to working out 2-3 times a week. I'd like to get that up to 4-5 times. Brad and I are considering joining a gym - probably Anytime Fitness - but I'll keep you posted!
8. Play with my Cricut. I haven't really done this, BUT I have started making a t-shirt quilt out of my Phi Lamb shirts from college!
9. Scrapbook. Again, I haven't done much, but I will probably take a lot of my scrapbook stuff with me when we go to PCB, Florida in 3 weeks
10. Research small business ideas Not yet...
11. Read! I basically read an entire book on our Memorial Day camping trip to Enchanted Rock! I hope to post more pictures of this soon! (click on them to see enlarged versions!)

12. Make a MediaShout training guide for church. Still need to do this...
13. Go for walks... OUTSIDE! I've gone jogging in the park with Brad twice and we went on plenty of walks on our camping trip... I'd like to do more though!
14. Read my Real Simple magazines I have caught up and actually need to renew my subscription!
15. Lay out by the pool - I'm hoping to do this this evening!
16. Watch Brad play softball I went to the game last Monday night and Brad hit a HOME RUN! Do I have a talented husband or what?!
17. Play with my camera. I've gotten a little bit of play time in - but I'd like some more! Another Florida project, probably!
18. Plan a surprise date night for Brad. Not yet... but he still deserves one :)
19. Design a Terranova t-shirt. hopefully soon...
20. Go shopping! I went on a shopping trip with my "twin", Kim :)
21. Be a more diligent employee. I am trying!
22. Car shop! We have been car shopping, but it's more stressful than I want it to be.
23. Play the Wii. Not yet
24. Ride my bike! Not yet :(
25. Cook! Not yet... unless you count cooking on our camping trip!
26. Go to a coffee shop check!
27. Get a massage for ME well... I did get one for me. But I also still have headaches.

28. Bring snack to Bible study. I took a yummy fruit pizza! 
29. Organize all my bills. They are partly organized... now I need to finish it up!
30. Spend time with God.  I have started a Beth Moore study (which I happen to be just going through on my own instead of in a group) called Living Beyond Yourself. It's a study of the fruit of the Spirit. I can tell that God is working in me, even if I don't suddenly feel close to Him. We are working on it :)

It looks like I've done a good job with about half of my list. It's a good start. I'd like to make some of these a regular part of my life - even while I study! My study days are creeping back up on me more quickly than I'd like!! I better enjoy this "time off" (if you can even call it that!) while I can!

Post-Exam Resolutions

I don't typically make New Year's Resolutions. I do evaluate how the prior year went and contemplate the things I'd like to work on for the next year, but I'm not one to really make a list just because I'm writing 2010 instead of 2009. Occasionally - okay, frequently - things in my life will get really chaotic and I'll find myself unable to make time to do some of the things I really enjoy. I usually make a mental list of these things so that I can make a point to do them at the next available opportunity. That's about as close to a "resolution" as I make.

I have been studying for an actuarial exam, which I take in 10 days, since mid-January (so, almost 4 months) and as I approach the exam, devoting more and more of my "free" time studying, I find myself unable to keep up with my mental list of things I'd like to do. It's just getting too long. It seems like every day I think of one or two things that I'd like to get to "once my exam is over". I can't even count how many times I have said that phrase ("once my exam is over") over the last few weeks.

It has come time to transfer my mental list from the "wishing and hoping" lobe of my brain to paper (or at least cyberspace). Here are the things I want to do "once my exam is over" (in no particular order):

1. BLOG! I have been neglecting this and I know that my 2 readers are disappointed. There may not even be any readers left! I'd like that to change! I want to post at least weekly, if not more often (striving for daily is still a little too difficult an endeavor for me).
2. Keep the apartment clean. Brad has been doing such an amazing job at picking up my slack, but he can't do it all by himself! I want to stay on top of this, rather than feel like I'm always having to "catch up".
3. Spring Cleaning! I read this blog post (Blessing of Stewardship) and it really made me think about what I am holding onto (physically and otherwise) and why. I want to spend some time evaluating what things it's time that I let go of and pass on to someone else.
4. Invite people over. I can't remember the last time we had people over to our apartment... New Year's Eve, maybe? It's been just way too long! After I get my act together with #2. and #3., we are having a party! I'm thinking homemade ice cream... :)
5. Spend time with friends. My poor friends! I have told so many of them, "We'll hang out after May 13th!" I can't wait to spend guilt-free time with them over the phone, shopping, coffee, Gilmore Girls, Chick-fil-a, bike-rides, etc.
6. Make an "I'm done with my exam" CD to rock out to on my commute - or as I'm cleaning the apartment!
7. WORK OUT! I am going to come up with a plan and stick to it! Brad and I are going to try to exercise together as much as possible. Hopefully I'll post some of my ideas in a future blog post!
8. Play with my Cricut. I have been neglecting this toy for too long. It misses me and I can hear it beckon every time I walk into our study. I just bought a new cartridge that I haven't even broken in!
9. Scrapbook. I want to use the new cartridge from #9 to help me finish scrapbooking my wedding from almost 2 years ago! I also want to work on my card-making skills :)
10. Research small business ideas to look into doing on the side. I don't really have the time to start something like this right now, but it's been on my heart a lot lately and it's never too early to start brainstorming and researching!
11. Read! I love to read, and I'm in the middle of too many books. That's not the way I like to read! I like one book at a time - finish and move on! I need to finish Eclipse before the all-too-cheesy movie comes out :)
12. Make a MediaShout training guide for church. This has been on my to-do list for about a year. It needs to get done!
13. Go for walks... OUTSIDE! It's going to get hot... fast! I want to be able to enjoy God's beautiful creation, preferably before the Texas heatwave comes on full force (today's high is 90 and it's just the beginning of May!) **sidenote complaint: Exam season always encompasses the prettiest times of the year. I study from February to May and August to November. That leaves yucky cold winter and sticky hot summer. Granted, we don't really get a true spring or autumn in Texas, but I wish I could at least enjoy our wannabes!
14. Read my Real Simple magazines that have sadly piled up over the last couple of months
15. Lay out by the pool. We have a pool in our apartment complex, yet we don't take advantage. It's fun to watch the families and kids play. And I could even catch up on #14 while I soak up some rays (after applying ample amounts of sunscreen to my fair skin!)
16. Watch Brad play softball for the Terranova Supernovas! Anyone want to cheer-lead with me?
17. Play with my camera. I need to strengthen my photography skills, and what better time than wildflower season in Texas (okay, the END of wildflower season... see sidenote complaint from #13)
18. Plan a surprise date night for Brad. He deserves a fun night out. I have not been the wife I know I can be lately. He deserves way more love than I show him! He's been a wonderful support through all of my crazy studying!
19. Design a Terranova t-shirt. I have been wanting to do this for awhile! I have a couple of really fun ideas!
20. Go shopping! And NOT as a study break... just for fun!
21. Be a more diligent employee. Yes, I have been concentrating hard on studying, which ends up benefiting the company in the long run, but as my mind has been preoccupied with Benefit reserves, annuities, premiums, and such, I have not exactly been as productive at work as I should be.
22. Car shop! That's right, we are getting a new (to us) car. And the car shopping process should be fun, but so far it has been stressful because I really just don't have enough time to devote to researching, test-driving, etc. After May 13th, bring on the contenders!
23. Play the Wii. I'm a little frightened about what the Wii Fit balance board is going to say to me when I get on it for the first time after six months! It used to hassle me after 2 days!
24. Ride my bike!
25. Cook! I have the most amazing husband that cooks dinner for me most nights! But I haven't cooked enough to know a) whether I actually enjoy it or b) whether I'm any good at it. And plus, I'd like to give Brad a break every once and a while!
26. Go to a coffee shop and actually ENJOY my cup of coffee - instead of using it as power juice to get me through a study session!
27. Get a massage for ME and not for my headaches. Believe me, there's a difference!
28. Bring snack to Bible study. I have taken a hiatus from signing up to bring snack to our weekly Bible study (one of the things I'm proud of myself for saying no to!) but I miss baking, especially baking FOR other people!
29. Organize all my bills. Thanks to our amazing teamwork, Brad and I keep up with finances extremely well. But what happens with the paper statments (which we are trying to transition out of) is another story! There is a HUGE pile of unfiled bills and statements. I can't wait to organize them all - perhaps while watching some Gilmore Girls :)
30. Spend time with God. This is the most important item on this list. God and I have some things to work on and I have been neglecting Him most of all through this study process. I am working on spending more time with him now, but I'm excited about how things can change when I have unrushed time to spend one-on-one with Him.

May 13th at around noon begins my "new year" - and I'm excited about these Post-Exam Resolutions. Happy New Year to me!

Facebook Conviction

Church today was especially moving. We just started a new sermon series on Titus. We call it "BOOM! Ripple, Ripple. - The gospel and godliness in TITUS". Kyle preached on one verse. Titus 1:1. And wow. He preached it! I got a ton out of the message. (I'll make a point to post a link to the audio of the sermon once it's posted) I know that God will be moving in my life as we go through this series. Kyle made some points that I'm sure will be applied to my life, but what God really stirred in me today was only a by-product of the message. It didn't directly relate. It was related, of course. Because something that was said or addressed caused me to go where I went with God. But it's so cool the way that God can use any words, any lyrics, any melody to get to me.

This morning I was convicted. I was convicted of many things. I was convicted that I am not living my life as a servant - a slave - to Christ. I am not relinquishing control in all areas of my life and therefore not letting God get the glory in all things I do. I am not living as if I'm on mission with God. I'm not allowing Him to do the things He is wanting to do through me. But the real, practical conviction that God brought to me today was about Facebook. I actually don't spend that much time on it, which is why this conviction is unique. I think that God knows I need something concrete - a tangible command - to follow. And this is it. I need to fast from Facebook. I need to spend the time that I would be checking up on people, most of whom are not even a real part of my life, instead learning how to serve my God. If I can spend 20 minutes on Facebook in the morning and turn around and say I don't have time to spend time with God before work then something needs to change. How much better would it be if I spent those 20 minutes getting to know the God of the universe? I need to re-FOCUS on Him. I need to focus on my real relationships instead of my cyber ones. I need to communicate with people in more authentic ways - through phone calls, emails, face-to-face conversations instead of merely "liking" their statuses and commenting on their posts. So that's exactly what I'm going to do - through my Facebook fast.

And please don't misunderstand me. Facebook isn't bad. It can be a wonderful, wonderful tool. But for me, at this time in my life, God has called me to focus on other things. And He's given me this specific task to follow in order to test my obedience and teach me about Himself. Could He have used something else in my life to do this? Sure. But this is what He chose, and I'm choosing to obey.

November - The Month of Motivation!

Well, after a wonderful weekend at home (New Braunfels) visiting with family and participating in the sausage-filled tradition of Wurstfest, I decided to start November off with a new mind-set. I don't know what inspired my new found motivation - it could have been the awesome weekend, "fall back", the beautiful weather, the message at church on Sunday, or a combination of all of these - but I am proud to say that I am 3 for 3 on days I've exercised in November! AND not to mention that I SURVIVED Wurstfest, Halloween, and Terranova's Fall Festival (not the healthiest combination of events in one weekend) without giving into temptations! I didn't deprive myself completely, of course... I had some chocolate. But not near a "normal" Lesley amount! It's nice to see that this self-control is showing up on the scale! I have 4 days left and 1.2 pounds to lose. It's gonna be tight, but that 15 song reward is keeping me from giving up! Now for another dose of motivation... off to watch The Biggest Loser!