20 Things

It's been a ridiculously long time since I posted anything on here. And while I can't promise that I am starting back up with any kind of consistency, I can say that I think of things to blog about every.single.day. For some reason or another (mostly because of time & the fact that I haven't made this a priority) I don't end up posting anything. I think part of it is because I tend to over analyze just about everything, which makes it hard to communicate sometimes. And for some reason, I feel like I have to get things perfectly worded before I can post them out in cyberspace. But I'm going to try to get past that last part. So if this doesn't make sense or doesn't sound like it's been filtered... too bad :)

Here are some of the things I've been thinking about/wanting to post about lately:

1. I passed my last exam (praise Jesus!) and I am about to begin studying for the next one! woo hoo!
2. Brad got into physical therapy school! This will be a major life change for us - including more student loan debt! woo hoo again!
3. I have been running more, which I like. I don't think of myself as a runner at all, but I'm hoping to get over that and really exceed my own expectations. A 10k seems a little out of reach for me, but more doable than a half marathon. I'd like to run a half marathon someday.

4. I really like to bake. And I'm starting to make a little more time for it. It's a Saturday morning kind of activity for me. Might be good when I study, too. But I'm trying to eat healthier, so I've found a couple of new fun recipes that have some health-guru ingredients. I'm trying a new one tomorrow :)
5. I've started the process of changing the way I think about food. It's hard. I'm seriously addicted to food and I use it as an emotional idol. It's a serious problem. But I've gotten some good tips, advice, and encouragement from various sources and I'm slowly working on my food-mentality. I'll keep ya posted.
6. I've been reading through the Old Testament. It's cool to read things you never remember reading before, even though I've read the OT several times (and grew up hearing many of the stories). I also just ordered 2 series by Francine Rivers: (1) Sons of Encouragement, which is a fictional story based on the Biblical lives of 5 men of the Bible and (2) Lineage of Grace, the female version of the prior. They arrive on Monday (thanks to Amazon 2-day shipping) I'm excited to read these along with my study of the OT. 
7. I love Amazon 2-day shipping. And we are on the "Prime Student" edition, so haven't paid a penny yet!
8. I just downloaded an app for my phone (aTimeLogger) to track how much time I spend on certain things (i.e., sleep, driving, work, eating, studying...). I'm intending to use it to track my study hours, but for now it's been fun to see how my time is used. It also makes me more conscious of what activities I use in my "free" time.
9. I have several friends who are either having babies or buying houses. Several of each, actually. And it's really stirred that urge in me for "the next phase" of life. We've been in pretty much the same place since we got married and I think we are both ready for something new. God is so good and provided school for Brad as a big change. I just need to learn to be patient about the rest :) His timing is better than mine.
10. I miss photography. I capture little moments on my phone (loving Instagram, btw), but it's just not the same as taking pretty pictures with my fancy camera. Artists require time, which I don't have a lot of. I'd like to get some good pics of the bluebonnets this year (since they are actually pretty, unlike last year!). That will be my goal.
11. I miss using my artistic side in general. I weave it into my every day life, but I miss just sitting down and working on a project. My mom and I made 110 shower invitations a couple of weeks ago. We spent ALL day on them, but it was so much fun. I wish I could have a whole day every week for crafts.

12. Gizmo makes me so happy. Dogs don't judge. They don't care. They greet you at the door every single day and it never fails to make me happy. He is the cutest ever. I don't remember what life was like without him!
13. I've started listening to audio books in the car while I drive to work. It's been a great way to pass the time! Right now I'm listening to The Pilgrim's Progress by John Bunyan. It's a good one :)
14. I do too many things. I'd really like to simplify my life a little bit. Commit to less. Enjoy more.
15. I seem to have lost the ability to correctly handle stress. Or my life is more stressful than I ever remember it being. Either way, I'm not doing a good job of it. I need to work on that. Trust God more, trust me less. 
16. Brad is an amazing chef. He cooks dinner for me several times a week and I have no idea what I'm going to do when he's off at school most of the week! So thankful for a wonderful husband!
17. Brad and I started our own small group at church and it's going really well. It's always a little bit scary putting yourself out there and building those relationships from scratch, but it is so worth it. We are really working on shaping our group into Biblical Christian community.
18. I require more sleep than I get. I think this one will always be true.
19. I am going to see the Hunger Games at midnight next Thursday night... I haven't done a midnight showing in about 6 years. And I didn't handle it too well then. Hopefully the excitement will overpower the urge to sleep!
20. I love mountain laurels. I think I've devoted more than one blog post to this beloved plant. Is it a tree? Is it a bush? Who cares! It smells amazing! However... sidenote... it is just WAY TOO HOT for March. Even for Texas. I'm not a fan of these 80*, muggy days. The rain has been nice, though.

I could write tons more, but I'm sleepy at the moment (see #19). It's been a long week. Hopefully it won't be too long before my next post... we'll see :)

Blessings and Conviction

I attended a retreat this weekend put on by the women's ministry of Terranova (my church!). Besides the fact that I was not feeling 100% (I had no voice, in fact! which made for lovely worship singing!) the weekend could not have gone better! The weather was gorgeous, the location was breathtaking, and the women were absolutely amazing! We really shared our hearts and got to know one another on a genuine level - something many people can be scared of doing. It can be messy. But it's real. It's beautiful.

God has been really reminding me lately of two things, which He pointed out again to me specifically this weekend.

First of all, He has been showing me what a wonderful thing community is in my life. I'm not talking about just being a part of a community (geographically, culturally, spiritually). I'm talking about having people in my life that really KNOW me for me. Who are brave enough to share their real selves with me. Who I can lean on, encourage, hold accountable, and really do life with. I have been unbelievably blessed with people with whom I do just that. And God has shown me that is something that I need - that all believers need, for that matter.

The second thing is more of a conviction that I feel I need to share. God has really been calling me out on my relationship with Him. Do I put Him first? Do I love Him first? I am an extremely relational person. And so I need community in my life. But sometimes I lean too much on that community and too little on God. Do you know what I mean? When I'm going through something difficult and could really use prayer and encouragement, who is the first one I turn to? Is it God? It should be. Yet it's not always, especially lately. I yearn for love and approval from those who know me best. And that's not necessarily wrong. It's natural for me to want affirmation from my close friends and family. Affirmation is one of my love languages, after all. But is that where I'm getting my sense of worth? I feel I need to spend some time really letting my Father love me. Do I deserve His love? Absolutely not - that's a whole nother story for a whole nother blog post :) But I need to accept His love and His approval of me before anyone else's. He is the only One who can fully know me and fully love me. I am undeserving, yet He, the Creator of the universe, has chosen to call me His child! Why isn't He the one I run to when something exciting is going on and I just can't wait to tell someone? He, after all, is my biggest fan. He made me me :)