What is it about some music that just lifts you up no matter what? Music is the language of emotion. It can be so powerful... and it can mean so many things so many people. Tonight, after a wonderful Christmas day with family, I watched Mama Mia. I forgot how much I love this movie and all the wonderful music in it! And while I could go on and on about music and how it feeds your soul, yada yada yada... I really just wanted to share my favorite scene from the movie. Hope you enjoy it as much as I do! Merry Christmas!
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Thursday, December 11, 2008
What is Christmas About?
I turned my music off so you could hear this clip. It's one of my all-time favorites! I hope it's a good reminder to keep our focus in check during this wonderful time of year!
Monday, December 8, 2008
Friend-Capacity
Sometimes I wonder if I could ever have any more friends than I have right now. I have been blessed in my life to always have a support system -- people to look out for me, care about me, listen to me... some have come and gone, but most have come into my life and stuck.
I'm once again at a turning point in my life. My support system has been scattered - put to the test. It's happened so many times in my life and in so many different ways - when I moved across the country, when I went off to college by myself, and again now since I have graduated, gotten married, and begun what they call "the real world". And though it happens to everyone, and I'm sure it happens in much more dramatic ways (I suppose I am blessed to even have a support system to scatter!), I always feel uneasy through the transition. I won't get into all of my feelings about change. That's a book in itself. But when it comes to changes in friendships, I become extremely sensitive.
My life is defined by relationships. I am a one-on-one, intimate, sharer of life. I am friends with many, but true companions with a handful. And right now I feel like I could never make new friends. I used to feel this way because I was shy, scared, or insecure. Now that I've matured, I've realized that that's only part of it. What I'm really stuck on is feeling like I don't have room to add more people. Or maybe I don't want to make room. I am afraid that if I begin a new relationship, I'll have to sacrifice an aspect of another one. In other words, I have a friends capacity. I want things to stay the way they are. I want to be close to the people I am close to. And of course, looking back at my life, I can see that some of these truly incredible friends would not have come into my life had I not allowed them room. But did I have to sacrifice other relationships to let them in? Does my friend-capacity have the ability to increase? Or is it inevitable that to make a friend I must slowly let go of another?
On the flip side, this theory (or at least the fact that I have this specific mentality) explains my insecurity with letting other friends move on. I'm not as afraid of moving on without my friends as I am of my friends moving on without me. Most of my closest friends are no longer an hour away, let alone a dorm room away. We are all living a new path in our lives, and I'm scared to think that their paths won't include me anymore... or at least won't include me in the same way anymore. If my friends are making new friends, which I expect and hope that they are, then does that mean they are making room for their new friends by suppressing our relationship? And I don't mean all of a sudden not talking to me... just little by little disconnecting. Is it selfish to try to hold on? If I hold on, am I keeping them from forming new relationships? Can things stay the same and change at the same time?
I think that the easiest answer to this, at least in my ever-justifying mind, is that we grow and some of our friends grow with us, some away from us. We can't expect friendships to stay exactly the same if everything around us is changing. And of course, throughout our life, I believe our friend-capacity does grow. When I was 5, my relationships looked a lot different than they do now at 23. And I'm sure they will have become even more transformed 20 years from now.
Overall, the biggest blessing of my life is my husband, Brad. I have someone to share my entire life with... and he's stuck with me!!! He'll never move away (without me, of course). Our relationship will change. It won't stay the same. I pray that we will grow together in sync :) I know that God can increase our capacity to love. My relationship with Brad is proof of that. I'm still wondering whether I'm moving away from something or someone in order to move toward him. Is everything give and take?
I'm once again at a turning point in my life. My support system has been scattered - put to the test. It's happened so many times in my life and in so many different ways - when I moved across the country, when I went off to college by myself, and again now since I have graduated, gotten married, and begun what they call "the real world". And though it happens to everyone, and I'm sure it happens in much more dramatic ways (I suppose I am blessed to even have a support system to scatter!), I always feel uneasy through the transition. I won't get into all of my feelings about change. That's a book in itself. But when it comes to changes in friendships, I become extremely sensitive.
My life is defined by relationships. I am a one-on-one, intimate, sharer of life. I am friends with many, but true companions with a handful. And right now I feel like I could never make new friends. I used to feel this way because I was shy, scared, or insecure. Now that I've matured, I've realized that that's only part of it. What I'm really stuck on is feeling like I don't have room to add more people. Or maybe I don't want to make room. I am afraid that if I begin a new relationship, I'll have to sacrifice an aspect of another one. In other words, I have a friends capacity. I want things to stay the way they are. I want to be close to the people I am close to. And of course, looking back at my life, I can see that some of these truly incredible friends would not have come into my life had I not allowed them room. But did I have to sacrifice other relationships to let them in? Does my friend-capacity have the ability to increase? Or is it inevitable that to make a friend I must slowly let go of another?
On the flip side, this theory (or at least the fact that I have this specific mentality) explains my insecurity with letting other friends move on. I'm not as afraid of moving on without my friends as I am of my friends moving on without me. Most of my closest friends are no longer an hour away, let alone a dorm room away. We are all living a new path in our lives, and I'm scared to think that their paths won't include me anymore... or at least won't include me in the same way anymore. If my friends are making new friends, which I expect and hope that they are, then does that mean they are making room for their new friends by suppressing our relationship? And I don't mean all of a sudden not talking to me... just little by little disconnecting. Is it selfish to try to hold on? If I hold on, am I keeping them from forming new relationships? Can things stay the same and change at the same time?
I think that the easiest answer to this, at least in my ever-justifying mind, is that we grow and some of our friends grow with us, some away from us. We can't expect friendships to stay exactly the same if everything around us is changing. And of course, throughout our life, I believe our friend-capacity does grow. When I was 5, my relationships looked a lot different than they do now at 23. And I'm sure they will have become even more transformed 20 years from now.
Overall, the biggest blessing of my life is my husband, Brad. I have someone to share my entire life with... and he's stuck with me!!! He'll never move away (without me, of course). Our relationship will change. It won't stay the same. I pray that we will grow together in sync :) I know that God can increase our capacity to love. My relationship with Brad is proof of that. I'm still wondering whether I'm moving away from something or someone in order to move toward him. Is everything give and take?
Lord, thank You for blessing me by surrounding my life with beautiful, wonderful friendships. You work purposefully through every person I encounter. Thank You for teaching me about Yourself through all of the supportive people in my life. I pray that You would help me find peace with the fact that life and the people in it are always changing, always moving, always growing. God, keep me from selfishness and from holding on too tightly when I need to loosen my grip. Help me allow new people to come into my life. Thank You for being ever-present. Though people may come and go throughout my life, You are always by my side. You are sovereign, Lord, and I thank You for all of my wonderful friends -- those of the past, those present, and those I have yet to meet. Amen.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Shopping & Me
A little history on my relationship with shopping:
Up until the end of high school, I didn't do much of it. I ran errands for my mom and shopped for presents or clothes when I needed to, but for the most part it was not on my list of extracurricular activities (which, for a teenage girl was a little unusual) It's not that I didn't enjoy it. A trip to the mall every once and a while was an extra special treat... something done with my mom or with my friends. But what made those trips exciting was that they didn't happen every day. They were special.
A little history on my gift-giving skills:
I had them. haha. I've always had some major gift-giving skills. Not only for birthdays and Christmas, but for those times in between to make someone feel good. One of my top love languages (my top 3 --gifts, affirmation, and quality time-- tend to compete... so I consider them tied) is gift giving. I have a knack for paying attention to others' wants, needs, and feelings and I tend to show love by filling those wants and needs according to their feelings. I absolutely love buying presents for people. Especailly little things for no reason. The dollar section at Target is one of my favorites for these occasions. It's how I show love.
Now it gets tricky:
When I came to college, my relationship with shopping slowly began to shift. I don't know if it was the fact that I was on my own & doing all of my own shopping or if it had to do more with the depression I experienced during my freshmen year of school; whatever the reason, I began making more and more frequent trips to the store. It started out just at Wal-mart. I needed a few groceries or toiletry items every now and then. But since I was at Wal-mart, it didn't hurt to go look at the books and movies. Every now and then I would treat myself to something little... a new novel, some fun pens, a good cd... and it cheered me up. I came away with a fulfilling sense of gratification.
Little by little I became addicted to this instant gratification. I wouldn't necessarily have to buy something for myself -- or buy something at all -- to achieve this satisfaction. I enjoyed the outlet of walking around, seeing the new trends, the purchase possibilities, and the atmosphere of everything. And I'm now noticing that the more and more available stores became, the more likely and more frequently I would shop. For example, during my freshmen year of college, the closest Target, Kohl's, Old Navy, etc. was in Pflugerville. So I would only venture the trip when I really had a reason. Soon, though, Wolf Ranch was built in Georgetown and all of those stores became much more convenient to go to. I found myself making more frequent (but also much quicker) trips.
The analysis:
So you can kind of see where I am now. I love shopping. I love going by myself if I am looking for presents for people or if I just feel like escaping all of the pressures of life and just walking around for a while. I love going with friends for quality time. I love a trip to the store for any reason, really! And let me make it clear that I am not frivolously spending money... I don't have to spend a dime to enjoy myself shopping. Of course, since my relationship with shopping became more serious, I have indeed been spending more money. But I have also been making more money and I have been given more responsibilities (mom & dad don't pay for anything anymore)
So anyway, yesterday was Black Friday... most likely the busiest shopping day of the year. I'm not one to get up at the crack of dawn and shop all day or anything. In fact, the whole idea of Black Friday nauseates me a little bit. But I do have to admit that there are some pretty good deals out there this weekend after Thanksgiving. So last night, since Brad had to work, I thought I would go check and see what kind of steals were out there. Plus, I needed a new pair of pants for work. Luckily, the shopping craze had pretty much ended by the time I started (around 6 pm). I got a lot of Christmas shopping done and even got a few new things for myself to wear to work. Altogether it was a pretty fun evening. I love the atmosphere as the Christmas season kicks off.
In the middle of the evening a clip from How the Grinch Stole Christmas came on the radio. It said:
[In]conclusion:
So I'm not sure why I'm so caught up on this. I don't feel like I've been convicted. God did bring all of this to my attention, but I haven't quite figured out why. Maybe so that I'm cautious... maybe just as a reminder... maybe so that I can remind others. I don't know. But I can't help wondering -- even if shopping for me at Christmastime is nothing but good (buying things for others to show them my love, and, through that, God's love), could I still be participating in, and therefore encouraging, society's misplaced focus? And if so, does that make me a hypocrite? I don't really know!
Up until the end of high school, I didn't do much of it. I ran errands for my mom and shopped for presents or clothes when I needed to, but for the most part it was not on my list of extracurricular activities (which, for a teenage girl was a little unusual) It's not that I didn't enjoy it. A trip to the mall every once and a while was an extra special treat... something done with my mom or with my friends. But what made those trips exciting was that they didn't happen every day. They were special.
A little history on my gift-giving skills:
I had them. haha. I've always had some major gift-giving skills. Not only for birthdays and Christmas, but for those times in between to make someone feel good. One of my top love languages (my top 3 --gifts, affirmation, and quality time-- tend to compete... so I consider them tied) is gift giving. I have a knack for paying attention to others' wants, needs, and feelings and I tend to show love by filling those wants and needs according to their feelings. I absolutely love buying presents for people. Especailly little things for no reason. The dollar section at Target is one of my favorites for these occasions. It's how I show love.
Now it gets tricky:
When I came to college, my relationship with shopping slowly began to shift. I don't know if it was the fact that I was on my own & doing all of my own shopping or if it had to do more with the depression I experienced during my freshmen year of school; whatever the reason, I began making more and more frequent trips to the store. It started out just at Wal-mart. I needed a few groceries or toiletry items every now and then. But since I was at Wal-mart, it didn't hurt to go look at the books and movies. Every now and then I would treat myself to something little... a new novel, some fun pens, a good cd... and it cheered me up. I came away with a fulfilling sense of gratification.
Little by little I became addicted to this instant gratification. I wouldn't necessarily have to buy something for myself -- or buy something at all -- to achieve this satisfaction. I enjoyed the outlet of walking around, seeing the new trends, the purchase possibilities, and the atmosphere of everything. And I'm now noticing that the more and more available stores became, the more likely and more frequently I would shop. For example, during my freshmen year of college, the closest Target, Kohl's, Old Navy, etc. was in Pflugerville. So I would only venture the trip when I really had a reason. Soon, though, Wolf Ranch was built in Georgetown and all of those stores became much more convenient to go to. I found myself making more frequent (but also much quicker) trips.
The analysis:
So you can kind of see where I am now. I love shopping. I love going by myself if I am looking for presents for people or if I just feel like escaping all of the pressures of life and just walking around for a while. I love going with friends for quality time. I love a trip to the store for any reason, really! And let me make it clear that I am not frivolously spending money... I don't have to spend a dime to enjoy myself shopping. Of course, since my relationship with shopping became more serious, I have indeed been spending more money. But I have also been making more money and I have been given more responsibilities (mom & dad don't pay for anything anymore)
So anyway, yesterday was Black Friday... most likely the busiest shopping day of the year. I'm not one to get up at the crack of dawn and shop all day or anything. In fact, the whole idea of Black Friday nauseates me a little bit. But I do have to admit that there are some pretty good deals out there this weekend after Thanksgiving. So last night, since Brad had to work, I thought I would go check and see what kind of steals were out there. Plus, I needed a new pair of pants for work. Luckily, the shopping craze had pretty much ended by the time I started (around 6 pm). I got a lot of Christmas shopping done and even got a few new things for myself to wear to work. Altogether it was a pretty fun evening. I love the atmosphere as the Christmas season kicks off.
In the middle of the evening a clip from How the Grinch Stole Christmas came on the radio. It said:
"Maybe Christmas," he thought, "doesn't come from a store.This got me thinking. I know in my heart that Christmas is not about things or presents or even people. It's about God, His Love, and His Gift of Jesus. And I know that our culture has made it easy to forget about that. I've learned that shopping, like many other hobbies and interests, can become dangerous once they begin shifting our focus off of God and onto themselves. When our relationship with God is hindered by something, that something is sin. I'm not the greatest at distinguishing when that shift happens in myself, and especially when it happens in someone else. So I can't point my finger at a person and claim they have misplaced the focus of Christmas. Only God knows that. But I feel like it is safe to say that society as a whole has lost focus.
Maybe Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!"
[In]conclusion:
So I'm not sure why I'm so caught up on this. I don't feel like I've been convicted. God did bring all of this to my attention, but I haven't quite figured out why. Maybe so that I'm cautious... maybe just as a reminder... maybe so that I can remind others. I don't know. But I can't help wondering -- even if shopping for me at Christmastime is nothing but good (buying things for others to show them my love, and, through that, God's love), could I still be participating in, and therefore encouraging, society's misplaced focus? And if so, does that make me a hypocrite? I don't really know!
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Never Alone
This is currently my favorite song. It's upbeat, it's cheery, and I relate to it... especially during this season of Thanksgiving. I sometimes get annoyed with songs that are so (almost unrealistically) happy, but this one recognizes that life is not always peachy and that through all of that we have a God who will stay by our side, loving and protecting us every step of the way.
If you want to listen to it, scroll through my playlist at the bottom of the page!
If you want to listen to it, scroll through my playlist at the bottom of the page!
Never Alone
May the angels protect you
Trouble neglect you
And heaven accept you when it's time to go home
May you always have plenty
The glass never empty
Know in your belly
You're never alone
May your tears come from laughing
You find friends worth having
As every year passes
They mean more than gold
May you win and stay humble
Smile more than grumble
And know when you stumble
You're never alone
Never alone
Never alone
I'll be in every beat of your heart
When you face the unknown
Wherever you fly
This isn't goodbye
My love will follow you stay with you
Baby you're never alone
Well, I have to be honest
As much as I wanted
I'm not gonna promise that cold winds won't blow
So when hard times have found you
And your fear surrounds you
Wrap my love around you
You're never alone
Never alone
Never alone
I'll be in every beat of your heart
When you face the unknown
Wherever you fly
This isn't goodbye
My love will follow you stay with you
Baby you're never alone
May the angels protect you
Trouble neglect you
And heaven accept you when it's time to go home
And when hard times have found you
And your fear surrounds you
Wrap my love around you
You're never alone
Never alone
Never alone
I'll be in every beat of your heart
When you face the unknown
Wherever you fly
This isn't goodbye
My love will follow you stay with you
Baby you're never alone
My love will follow you stay with you
Baby you're never alone
Sunday, November 23, 2008
My Intentions
I am not usually a blogger. In fact, I hardly ever express my written thoughts for the public to read without first measuring what I'm saying and how people will react. Because of this, there are times when I don't say what I really want to say, but rather what people expect me to say. I don't always do this on purpose. Sometimes I'm scared, sometimes I'm confused, and most times I genuinely feel like I cannot express myself adequately with words.
For various reasons, I feel that it's time to let go of my insecurity with words and let them loose. I am not writing this for other people. I am not writing this to be heard, to get a point across, or to make people like me. I am mostly writing this for me. This is a way for me to record my thoughts, sort through them, and hopefully improve my written expression. Feel free to read all of my posts, one every once in a while, or none at all.
If you do indeed follow this blog, the most important thing I would like you to know is that I am going to be 100% honest. I am going to write my mind... anything that comes to it... from what's going on in my life to how I'm feeling today to the mysteries of God to lyrics I relate to. Most of my entries will be highly analytical, probably confusing, possibly contradicting, but absolutely real.
With honesty comes vulnerability. This is going to be a challenge for me. I am usually a people pleaser. I don't like confrontation, I avoid conflict, and I am uncomfortable with absolutes. You will find that I like to argue both sides of things... and I usually don't end up taking a side.
Feel free to participate... to respond, to comment, to ask questions, to get mad, to agree, to be confused. I care about what people --especially those I care about-- think. I want to know what you think. I'm not seeking approval, agreement, or even understanding. I just want to know your reactions--if you have them and care to share them.
Here I [we, if you are joining me] go.
For various reasons, I feel that it's time to let go of my insecurity with words and let them loose. I am not writing this for other people. I am not writing this to be heard, to get a point across, or to make people like me. I am mostly writing this for me. This is a way for me to record my thoughts, sort through them, and hopefully improve my written expression. Feel free to read all of my posts, one every once in a while, or none at all.
If you do indeed follow this blog, the most important thing I would like you to know is that I am going to be 100% honest. I am going to write my mind... anything that comes to it... from what's going on in my life to how I'm feeling today to the mysteries of God to lyrics I relate to. Most of my entries will be highly analytical, probably confusing, possibly contradicting, but absolutely real.
With honesty comes vulnerability. This is going to be a challenge for me. I am usually a people pleaser. I don't like confrontation, I avoid conflict, and I am uncomfortable with absolutes. You will find that I like to argue both sides of things... and I usually don't end up taking a side.
Feel free to participate... to respond, to comment, to ask questions, to get mad, to agree, to be confused. I care about what people --especially those I care about-- think. I want to know what you think. I'm not seeking approval, agreement, or even understanding. I just want to know your reactions--if you have them and care to share them.
Here I [we, if you are joining me] go.
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